Pox

Bleeg just rambling. Nothing really important.

I’m not sick, besides from anxiety, but I feel like I haven’t been eating as well as I have been. I need to get back on that. I’m going to start writing what I eat everyday  and make sure I don’t put anything bad into my mouth. More fruits and vegetables! And water… I keep forgetting to drink and I know I’m dehydrated. Aaaah I just need to get this junk out of me. I’m going to weigh in on Sunday, and as long as I haven’t gone up I’ll be glad. I just started some courses at a community college and it’s really stressful.. and I have problems with that. It tends to go beyond worry and into panic attacks and vomiting, lack of sleep and poor concentration. I used to just get nauseous, but for the last year I’ve been throwing up very frequently. It stopped during the summer when I didn’t have may worries, but now that I’m back in school I can feel it building. It really only happens in the morning after I wake up, I’ll feel extremely nauseated and dizzy, my heart will flutter and sometimes I can hold it down, I’m just thankful its not as painful as it used to be. I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes and just focus on the work at hand, but I’ve found that pills the doctors give me change my personality and I don’t like that. The only thing I can do is really live with it, or pop a lorazepam if I know its going to be bad.

I’m wearing a size 10 pair of pants now, and all my 12s are getting too big and falling down… so maybe I feel like I’ve gained and it’s all just in my head. I don’t know I really don’t want to start this cycle again.. but I’m excited for these classes so I’m sure it’ll go away once I get into the swing of things.

I hope everyone has a good rest of the week, almost half way through it, keep working toward your goals!

I’m getting even closer to my first major goal. I have accomplished many mini-goals that have helped me come this far. I am now 15 pounds overweight,  instead of 45.. and that gap is continuing to close. Within the next 6 months, I hope to be my ideal weight, but I’m not going to concern myself with that now. Keeping myself focused on the smaller milestone goals is really the trick for me. That and seeing everyone on this site, feeding off of your guys’ motivation and excitement, it really keeps me going! Thank you all.

A lot of you keep up with The Biggest Loser, but I’m gone on Tuesdays when it airs hopefully I’ll be able to catch it online. It’s not really my style of losing weight, since I hate exercising and haven’t purposely worked out in years. But seeing the contestants progress I’m sure will be encouraging too. I’m really more into documentaries on subjects like obesity in America  instead of seeing people being screamed at in  gym. But I’ll give the show a shot

I’m starting some classes at a community college on the other side of the city, and hopefully I’ll be able to make good choices with the food I eat. I’ll probably being my own food and water, since there are pop machines all over the campus.  There are a lot of sushi places in Seattle, one of my favorite healthy meals. Maybe I’ll get more walking in too since I’ll be taking the bus and having to transfer half way there. I’m really excited, for the classes and to continue to get closer to my goal.

I was digging through my closet today, and I ran across a pair of pants I haven’t seen for months. I’ve had them for years and could never really fit into them, but got the pants more as a goal to fit into after I had lost weight. They’re a size 11 l.e.i., a brand I know runs small in their sizes. I had tried them on before I’d started changing my diet a few months ago, and I could barely get them past my thighs.

But today, I tried them on..and they fit A little snug, but not much buldge and I can definately breathe in them. I’m so shocked, I don’t know what to do with myself. But I’ve already set another goal. To fit in the next size down in this brand. I have a size 9 l.e.i. that I can’t fit into yet, but I hope soon I will :> Maybe  by November. I have many small mental goals that I’ve been accomplishing lately, and thats a big thing thats been keeping me going. This is just a nice surprise!

I need to start drinking more water.. I had been doing good with that, but I’ve been dehydrated lately. Waking up to cramps in my foot and calves, but thats my fault.  I just hope I keep it up!